someone asked sian the other day, in a notecard, why the restrictions on chat? why be silent? why no direct messages?
we have been through this. but it started with lust melody, who is the person who owns sian’s rlv keys.
lust’s only universal requirement for submissives is no direct messages. when sian first came to lust and asked to be locked, this is all lust asked for. lust has an insistent, even ideological belief that if you want to use a social network, you should use whatsapp or discord or facebook. lust believes that secondlife is a place for interaction and being present.
and truly, secondlife’s most popular venues are often packed with avatars, and yet they are ghost towns. no one is talking. sian even read the profile of someone the other day who only communicates in dms, never in open. she was baffled. this is a world! this is a place to explore, and build, and dress up, and interact!
(and also engage in filth, let’s not forget that.)
anyway, having been to too many packed clubs where no one said a word, sian was very quickly persuaded by this reasoning. or brainwashed by a cult leader, maybe. either way, she agrees with the person who regularly hypnotises her.
who knew?
as for the other things. sian has been silent since the beginning of 2025. she actually asked for it.
so this is complex and sian has written about this at length here before, but essentially in 2020 rl!sian had an unexpected and unwelcome diagnosis of autism and severe adhd, very late in life.
in a lot of ways it hurt her deeply. many people find out they’re autistic, and everything suddenly makes sense, and it leads to healing and self-actualisation. for sian, it meant a reliving of trauma, a loss of agency, and the end of a rl marriage: as her spouse said, sian was “not going to get better.”
and she wasn’t. a lifetime of assuming that she was failing to perform what everyone else managed to achieve as a matter of course turned out to be inaccurate. because most people did not in fact have to jump these hurdles. most people don’t spend every conversation they have pausing while they mentally cycle through an internal menu of possible answers to conversational gambits, so they will not appear to be a freak. most people do not in fact have to fight to concentrate on basic tasks. most people do not need specific training as in how to position their fingers to hold a cleaning cloth so that it actually manages to get dirt off a surface.
as time has gone on, sian has had more and more restrictions placed. she has no radar; she cannot see the names of the avatars in nearby chat, and sometimes they are assigned confusing alternatives that are different to tell apart; she is bombarded by repetitive intrusive thoughts that have little to do with where she is.
a lot of second life residents would find these insufferable. but the thing is, why would sian have it otherwise? this is what it is like for her anyway.
all of these things are really metaphors for sian’s autism, and the way it hampers communication with the rest of the world, the way that communicating and interacting with the world at large requires an expense of concentration and effort and energy and presence that the vast majority of people will never understand. it is a metaphor for how, no matter how skilled sian is, no matter how much she tries, no one will ever consider her to be normal.
the difference is that in secondlife, sian does not need to try. in secondlife, these things are redemptive. they are a thing she can assimilate and accept. she can be strange in secondlife, and she is treated as compelling, a goddess, a desired alien beauty. the rlv constantly gives her intrusive thoughts, but unlike the ones in real life, they are affirming ones. if sian wants to communicate, she can — she has several means of doing so, in fact — but it requires effort. reading chat requires presence and concentration. It can be overwhelming, but then so can life. but it’s also cathartic.
it is a way to not have to mask. in second life, sian can be autistic openly. here, the tragedy and pain of separation from the discourse of human life is sort of sublimated.
rl!sian is thinking about this because today she takes the benefits system to court, in the hopes that that they will stop lying, so that they recognise that she is disabled and needs support.
she does not expect to win, for the precise reason that she needs to.
featured outfit:
azoury velignis boots
dernier grace jacket, gia body armour
r2 kira headphones
photo locale:
obsidia
