we were reminded of a meatspace friend from a few years ago who was into kink – you may be surprised that we know a lot of people into kink – a submissive woman, straight, who had a thing for being humiliated and verbally abused. it turned out that pretty much every straight man she met who was into inflicting humiliation turned out to be an absolute brute, because, surprise, straight men who really get off on humiliating women shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near women, especially the ones who get their rocks off from being humiliated.
this is generally the thing that people who don’t understand fetishes (and also, worse, the ones who think they do) don’t get: you’d think that everyone has an equal opposite kink that slots into your kink, so your kink is concave, and theirs is convex, and click, you fit together like puzzle pieces, and it’s really not like that. the sadist and the masochist might seem a match made in a sexy dungeon, but really they’ll just end up frustrating each other (in fact, that’s basically how the plot of venus in furs ends, which is wild, given it’s the foundational text of one half of the s’n’n divide). opposite kinks aren’t equal, and because people are complex and weird, they’re tied up with other kinks, other desires and needs. In fact, you want a partner in your fetishes whose kinks are, if not adjacent, parallel, existing in different worlds where both partners can find their needs fulfilled, and maybe allowing you to discover new things that you both find hot. and in the end, the key to that, more than anything else, is a desire to get to that place, that space, together.
(featured clothing peqe gorget collar/ cerberus xing enochian succuba coat [gacha – get it while you can]/ aisling/voluptas virtualis hye belt/ clblue leggings; avah boots/ stories and co the gr8 nipplelini)
