the thing is, most people who find that they are autistic when they are adults are expecting it. they may have suspected for a long time; they may even have sought the diagnosis.
it wasn’t like this for sian’s flesh counterpart. they were caught entirely off guard, it only clicking after the fact that most neurotypical people do not forget objects exist when they cannot see them; that most neurotypical people do not focus on their obsessions to the same degree, only to abandon them wholesale, suddenly; and most neurotypical people do not cycle in their mind’s eye through an exhausting series of hierarchical menus of appropriate responses when they engage in everyday conversation.
to discover that the things that you have been hiding, regulating and working to erase from your personality are in fact things that were always supposed to have been there and were never going to be removed is harder to assimilate than you might have imagined. they would like to be ok with it. they are not ok with it yet.
still, being an ambivalently gendered virtual cyborg of no small charm is much easier, and that’s a thing sian would like to cling to.
(featured clothing r2 k/e/n tekkou/ sole sa – headset, girov kneepads (gacha), time rifter nip protec (gacha)/ grixdale fallen boots (gacha)/ luder! yumi pants/ grima urban lust corset)
