identities
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xx.xy13. Making the Display Name the Same as the Username
RL!Sian did a small thing yesterday, that also happened to be a huge thing. She changed her name. Now in the UK, it’s fairly easy to do that. You have to have a piece of paper with a specific set of wording on it, that says you don’t want your old name, you want your
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xx.xy12. Tourist
There’s always a sense of guilt for RL!Sian in being trans, a sense of always feeling that she is just a tourist in queer spaces, that she is somehow not trans enough, both innately and in the way she presents in the flesh. This has eased a little, but not a lot, not least because
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40. Mortal
When, in 2009, an earlier version of RL!Sian logged into SecondLife for her second go at making an account and her first go at really being Sian, she decided that, given she was in her early 30s, Sian would be 29. That account she gave up in 2016. By the time she came back in
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39. Authentic, Redux
Over on Primfeed, where Sian has been hanging out recently, the algorithm gave — Generated? Regurgitated? Exuded? — a link to a YouTube video about being authentic in Second Life. Sian thought, Ooh, discourse, and clicked, because authenticity is on Sian’s mind a lot. Maybe we’ll have a mention of Kierkegaard, even, she thought, maybe
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xx.xy11 surgery (part 0)
Yesterday, Sian asked Core (that is, Lust Melody) what would be a pleasing thing for her to do. Core said, “Choose a limb. That one’s cybernetic from now on.” And so, with a prosthetic left hand, Sian enters the world of elective amputation in SL before RL!Sian does. One of the reasons Sian loves cyberpunk
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32.0 Say our name
Sian has been restricted from speaking in chat for just over a year, and for most of that time she’s been locked into the display name sian k-7139 (the serial number was comprised from the first letter of Sian’s original username and the first four digits of her UUID). And it didn’t seem so important
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30.1 winning
here, have some pictures of virtual sian looking like she’s winning. this is a typically tenuous reference to the court hearing that sian mentioned in a post last week: because against all odds, sian won. specifically, she won the recognition of her right to nearly two years of backpaid disability benefits and further monthly payments
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xxx.10 boxes
sian’s flickr got deactivated for having “adult content” this week. so it is gone. there weren’t even any nipples there. everything lewd was covered. it did not matter. rather than try to engage in five dimensional chess and work out what got the account nuked, sian just took it all down. here is a thought
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xx.xy10 pride
ok, it’s update time. sian has been inworld and she’s got well over a hundred screenshots for blog posts that never happened, but frankly, it just felt too much like work, and honestly the whole point of this blog is processing over the space of about, what, the last four years, how second life
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xx.xy9 rack
did you miss sian? in the months since you last saw sian, imaginary reader, a lot of things happened. but she is back. she has a bunch of outfits to show you. this one went to the front of the queue though, the most realistic rubber catsuit sian has seen in second life, from avec
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xx.xy7 but what am i going to be
one of the scariest parts of transitioning is that for a while, the dysphoria becomes worse. there’s a feeling that rl!sian is having a lot now of intense dysphoria, the sense that she will never have the features of a woman, that she will be as ugly and grotesque as the terfs assume that everyone
