what does it mean to be good?
sian struggles with this; their neurodiverse self-perception in both worlds as a hollow mannequin imperfectly aping human affect (and their horror of that) combines with the fact that they have in the past done some terrible things. they produced a large body of work that was racist, for example, an example of that sad, painful sort of racism that doesn’t know it’s racism because it hasn’t figured out that you can still be racist as fuck while meaning all the best things in the world, nor has it figured out that meaning well hasn’t absolved you of a single thing.
if you remember sian the first time round and wondered where the old blog went, that’s really why. they are sorry for any hurt they caused that last time round, but know that this too absolves nothing, for there is no obligation on a person or community that has been hurt to accept an apology. that is not what it is for. that is not why you do it. you do it because accepting responsibility – and consequences – is the right thing to do. sometimes you have to burn your work.
why come back? why resurrect something so problematic? can this be redeemed?
sian doesn’t know. for all the flaws that this project had, it was the closest they ever got to actual personhood, and so redemption is necessary. in the end, sian can only affirm this: the heart of being good, or trying to be good, is knowing you can be better, and working to be better.
sian wants to be better.
(featured clothing static drone corset*, nightfire boots, digital fray sleeves, grid halo/ zawoo zipper thong (customised)/ .aisling. lisira collar/ r2 a/d/e sayori nipple covers/ bare rose cyber b-wings/ luminous square bento nails)
(*the corset here is an example of these constant moral questions, it being a
straight-up copy of an entirely original piece by another creator – it pains sian they cannot remember her name – from
years ago. is it ok to wear a piece of blatant plagiarism? is it better if the original is gone?)
