There’s always a sense of guilt for RL!Sian in being trans, a sense of always feeling that she is just a tourist in queer spaces, that she is somehow not trans enough, both innately and in the way she presents in the flesh. This has eased a little, but not a lot, not least because her local gender services have once again — a fourth time — failed to follow up on simple promises for medication and blood tests.
RL!Sian continues to DIY. Am I different? Can you even tell? are things that run through her head constantly. It’s been well over a year and she can’t see the changes in her face that others can. She isn’t looking for passing, she isn’t wanting to even gain admission to cis spaces. She just wants, hell, we don’t know, a space where she can be.
It’s different in SL. You start out passing. To be recognised as genderqueer you actually have to explicitly announce it. A couple of years ago, RL!Sian heard an interview with a trans woman IRL who could easily pass, talking about why she chooses explicitly not to pass. It is because she wanted to be part of the struggle. Because it matters that she is involved in the community of which she is really a part, rather than the one in which she feels like she is a tourist. Sian could have kept quiet in SL, adopted passing privilege. But she won’t. It matters that she is openly trans, in both worlds. She is putting herself out there.
Bizarrely, people are noticing. People are talking about her. It’s strange. Also, frightening. The last time Sian got attention, she stopped posting for a year. Now she is posting links over on Primfeed and really wondering every time if it is a good idea. But then this is it. Her head is over the parapet.
Here, in honour of today’s subject, Sian is doing some false tourism, false because she never went anywhere, virtual or real. it’s a backdrop she plonked on the roof of her house.
Some of the stuff in the pictures, we guess:
Miamai OfEther Earrings
ToxicTreats Tummy Zipper Piercing
AsteroidBox. Dakota Pants; Ziggy Outfit (top and sweater)
VELOUR Bia skin
Izzie’s Bald Head Details; Breast Veins 1
Egotomb Split Tongue
Zibska Enyo Makeup [100] 12
Jack Spoon Cheeks for Days [contour2]
alaskametro “Desert Planet” eyeshadow (variant 06)
Shiny Stuffs Glorious Lipstick (variant 30)
Mila Moonlight eyebrows
Also Reborn body, Swallow gauged ears, Lelutka Raven, ItGirls/Velour Picasso Babe skin, Contraption SK3LE2 cyber arm as usual, model’s own weird cyberpunk tattoos
The backdrop is a group gift from LANEVO.
