not very long ago, rl!sian found tucked into a copy of michael moorcock’s cornelius quartet a folded piece of a4 on which she had, many years ago, written thoughts about the book, and its queerness. she had long ago forgotten ever having written it.
sian was struck about that young person’s underlying assumptions, notably her absolute contempt for the concept of masculinity, her disgust at it being a thing that she might be expected to aspire to. she remembered the first time someone had described her as a “man” in her hearing, which was about the same time as she had written this essay, and the confusion and dissonance her younger version felt at the label, and began to process how she had always hated being included in the category “men”, because of how little kinship she felt with the category of men, and how much she actively disliked the company of men, and meanwhile how she would guiltily read style magazines, and look at the models, and dream.
it makes a sort of sense now. that’s all.
image notes:
there is no thematic link between this submission and the images today. it was an outfit sian bought at an event the other week along with a visor thing that sian has no memory of having bought from one of the most consistently disappointing designers in secondlife (it looks so nice in the adverts, but it never ever works on the avatar). sian is not particularly enamoured with them, honestly, because none of the things have modify permissions, and sian wonders why she even bought them.
sian wishes her flesh body’s modify permissions were not so hard to access. having a body without modify permissions is the worst. still, in secondlife you can get things like the body deformers from warm animations, which you can use to make your body look more like, well, the body you want. so secondlife wins again.
featured:
:::sole::: sa – belt miki (customised)
ukyah saori outfit; soraia boots
vrsion sls15.2 ear set
warm animations full body deformers
