When, in 2009, an earlier version of RL!Sian logged into SecondLife for her second go at making an account and her first go at really being Sian, she decided that, given she was in her early 30s, Sian would be 29. That account she gave up in 2016. By the time she came back in 2018, a much shorter time away than it felt like, using the old alt that would become her current main, RL!Sian had entered her 40s. Gradually, she eased into trying out some of the trappings of maturity on her virtual self. It felt right. It felt more real.
Recently, the first digit of RL!Sian’s age clicked over again. Within three weeks of that happening she injured her left foot walking across a major European capital city in a new pair of negligibly sensible boots, causing it to develop a huge open wound that wouldn’t dry for weeks, and then compounded the error three days later by going on a 640km round trip, carrying full packs on her shoulders while limping awkwardly. The result was that 24 hours into her trip, her back started to really interfacing hurt. That was a month ago. It hasn’t gotten any better. By the beginning of this week, the pain was so bad and so constant, Sian was unable to stand. She has been given medications that are so powerful, she’s been tripping off her tits. Just lying there, numb and weak and wishing it will end. She hasn’t been to the bouldering gym in a month. She’s barely been able to walk the length of a street. Sian, in her prime, used to shrug this stuff off. Now it’s been weeks.
So aging has been on Sian’s mind for a while. Maybe that’s why it’s time to level up, to represent her mortality in a form that is, naturally, unaging, but which is just at the same time so ephemeral, so very fragile.
It represents perhaps the character of SecondLife’s aging player base that it is easier to find decent mature skins than it used to be, especially skins representing people who aren’t elderly, just not young. The Lelutka EvoX heads have an option to apply wrinkled material textures and come with a small number of BoM wrinkle layers as standard, for example, which is a thing that wouldn’t have been added if it hadn’t been asked for by enough people to convince the creators it was a good idea.
Still, while finding one that looks 49 turned out to be a bit easier than expected, it was nonetheless pretty hard. Sian demoed over 40 mature skins, and eventually settled on the characterful, asymmetrical Bia from Velour. Aging in SecondLife turns out to have some similar challenges to the real life variety. The more detailed the skin, the more unforgiving it is in terms of things like makeup and tattoos. Several of the eyebrows, eyeshadow and lipsticks that worked fine on the Auntie Olya skin from Pumec that Sian has been wearing for the last year and a bit no longer make sense; the circuit tattoo that Sian wore in several of the posts of the last few months destroys the illusion of creases deeper than a mesh model allows for.
As you get older, your face and your body need to be treated differently. And trans aging, that’s a whole extra thing, a whole other complex of bodily issues.
Whether Sian’s style will persist in making her look like your queer cyberpunk mum is another question entirely. We’ll see. If it doesn’t work out, we can always give her another virtual face-lift. We might still not have managed a day without cis nonsense, but it’s going to be all right.
There are a lot of things that Sian is not at peace with, but doing this in Second Life is a way of asserting that Sian is at peace, at least, with the fact that she won’t be here forever. Mortality is a real thing, and Sian is ready for it. In the words of Sister Julian, all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Outfit:
Palette Ani Jeans (Fatpack version)
AVEC TOI Angelina Vest (leather version)
Hipster Style Exagon Plugs
LANEVO Sariel Gloves (right hand)
ContraptioN SK3LE2 Prosthetic Arm (Left hand)
Aspect Carrie Arm Bands, Squishy Version (Right arm)
Makeup:
alaskametro “Cleo” eyeshadow (variant 02); “Dark Ombre” lipstick (variant 01)
Miamai Malefica Brows (variant 3)
Shiny Stuffs Thicc Lashes (applier); Eye Implant Overlays (Set 1, variant 10)
Zibska Enyo Makeup (variant 05)
Avatar components:
VELOUR BIA skin (ICY)
Lelutka RAVEN head
eBody Reborn body
Pretty Liars Flat Ass Level 3 deformer
Swallow Gauged S Ears
IT GIRLS Picasso Babe Skin for Reborn (MODELESQUE/ICY)
Izzie’s Bald Head Pores; Bald Head Freckles
S H I M M Eyes CYBER XII SET IV (variant 4)
