meatspace
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xxx.10 boxes
sian’s flickr got deactivated for having “adult content” this week. so it is gone. there weren’t even any nipples there. everything lewd was covered. it did not matter. rather than try to engage in five dimensional chess and work out what got the account nuked, sian just took it all down. here is a thought
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xx.xy10 pride
ok, it’s update time. sian has been inworld and she’s got well over a hundred screenshots for blog posts that never happened, but frankly, it just felt too much like work, and honestly the whole point of this blog is processing over the space of about, what, the last four years, how second life
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xx.xy9 rack
did you miss sian? in the months since you last saw sian, imaginary reader, a lot of things happened. but she is back. she has a bunch of outfits to show you. this one went to the front of the queue though, the most realistic rubber catsuit sian has seen in second life, from avec
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xx.xy8 chrysalis
yesterday, or maybe the day before, sian accidentally touched her chest and experienced a new sort of pain, an odd sting as she suddenly realised how very sore her nipples were. After months of wondering whether the changes she had so far experienced were only the placebo effect, this proved oddly comforting. something is happening.
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xx.xy7 but what am i going to be
one of the scariest parts of transitioning is that for a while, the dysphoria becomes worse. there’s a feeling that rl!sian is having a lot now of intense dysphoria, the sense that she will never have the features of a woman, that she will be as ugly and grotesque as the terfs assume that everyone
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xx.xy6 needled
the patches were only ever going to be a temporary solution; the real deal was always going to be doing it by injection. and as of the end of august, every sunday, sian swabs down a patch of skin on her abdomen, swabs down a tiny bottle, and sticks a tiny needle in herself with
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xx.xy.5 retrospect
not very long ago, rl!sian found tucked into a copy of michael moorcock’s cornelius quartet a folded piece of a4 on which she had, many years ago, written thoughts about the book, and its queerness. she had long ago forgotten ever having written it. sian was struck about that young person’s underlying assumptions, notably her
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xx.xy.4 patch notes, first iteration
hrt day nine, 100mcg estradiol patches: it is far too early for rl!sian to exhibit obvious physical changes. but there are changes already. no one is reading this, so we are going to use this blog as an occasional transition diary. if by some fluke you are reading this, feel [redacted] to skip to the
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xx.xy.3 passing on passing
the concept of “passing” in trans circles has extreme ambivalence attached to it. everyone wants to, but at the same time, it does not feel as right as it might do. if you can go out of the door as a trans woman and people will assume you are a woman, it is goals, it
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24.0 disabled
it’s disability pride month. it is hard to tell if an avatar with a disability in second life has disabilities in the real world because secondlife is the sort of place where you can know someone’s philosophies and desires in the most intimate terms and yet have no idea what their players even look like.
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20.0 notes from a terf island
you might want to ignore either the pictures. or the text. there is dissonance. [++ trigger warning: transphobia ++] in january 2022, the council of europe issued a report saying that the uk – where sian lives – was one of the worst places in or adjacent to the european continent for lgbtq+ rights , putting these
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xx.xy.2 feminised
a whole bunch of things happened to rl!sian in the year and a half this blog was missing. some of them you don’t need to know, obviously, but aside from that moment where she saw herself as he saw her, and climaxed, and came out the other side a different person; and how she started